What's Wrong with You??

So I've decided to move on. To start all over.

I wonder how things will be like.

Hmmmm

It's been one year and yet again I am here penning my thoughts after filling up the exact same form that I did a year ago.

The sense of uncertainty is like deja vu. Except that this time, there were also feelings of betrayl, disillusionment and bewilderment.

"Grinding the mill."

...

"You are not bad. Just not good enough."

...

It is simply amazing how easy it is to be taken for granted. And how easy it is to brush off whatever work or dedication someone has put in as something that is to be expected.

Some have warned me about this possible ending. Maybe I was just being too naive. Maybe I lacked insight or refused to believe the inevitable.

What is the big picture? I honestly still cannot see it. Maybe I have to be out of the picture to see it...

There comes a point where you realise that it is not anyone's responsibility to look after you. Nobody is obligated to pave the way for you. You just have to carve something out of nothing and accept that at the end of the day you may just be carving nothing out of something that you thought you had.

It's sad to realise that hard work no longer equates to anything. There are always reasons you can find to reject someone and put down the amount of hard work that he has put in.

Looks like we have another foreign talent sans-Y chromosome...

what's going on???

What's that? What's that? What's that?

Everyone seems to be telling me their own version of the story. I'm also getting al kinds of differing advice.

I am confused. What's going on?

I don't seem to be able to trust anyone at all. Who is telling the truth?

Why am I trapped in this web of deceit? Who's playing who in this game?

...

I am constantly reminded of the story of Job since 05/04/07. Can I still rejoice in the Lord when opportunities seem to be taken away?

Can I still shout at the top of our lungs "Blessed be Your name" when circumstances don't seem to go the way we expected?

I just can't say a firm YES to the questions above. I feel so lost and betrayed. The future seems so bleak. Is this part of the greater plan? Are there better things in store for me? What do all these mean?

I don't have an answer. I can only watch and wait.

I feel like a 4 mm ureteric stone. Am I ever gonna be passed out?

They say the chances for spontaneous passage of any ureteric stone less than 5mm is high.

On one hand I can visualise the VUJ. On the other hand, I don't experience any ureteric peristalsis although I am drenched in urine everyday.

Wait... there seems to be a light coming distally.... is that the light of the ureteroscope or am I headed for the toilet bowl???

Kite flying is indeed therapeutic. Haven't done that since 1994...

Took 3 days off work in line with the school holidays and spent one afternoon flying kites with my son, my wife, my bro and my son's GodPa.

It was a great time. Although my son wasn't really into kite flying, he enjoyed the aimless running around the field in Marina south.

How I wish I had more time for my son. He's growing up so fast...

The exercise is finally open. I sorted out the paperwork today. Got the necessary forms signed, signed the necessary forms. I'm all ready to submit and await my fate. There is so much uncertainty.

Also got the show and tell this friday. More or less sorted out. And that case report too... so much work so little time... how i wish i could squeeze more time for my son, my earthly father and Father in heaven...

Are my priorities right?

It's funny how cock ups always tend to occur in clusters. And it's disheartening how it snowballs into a major screw up and you wonder what you could have done to prevent it.

Could I have prevented it? Logically I could have. How could I have missed it? Why didn't I ensure? Why didn't I double check? Triple check?

Was I being lazy? Was it coz I couldn't be bothered?

Am I being too hard on myself?

. . .

I'm at the crossroads of my career. Will I be able to make the cut to proceed to stage 2, bearing more responsibility and getting a change in pay scale?

The uncertainty of it all baffles me. Only He has the answer for me...

Taken during the Children's Party in Yishun on 29 Oct 2006

Brought my son to check out some marine lifeforms last week.